For me, it’s up there as one of the most important and recently it’s been on my mind a lot. Not only how important is it in my own family but in all my relationships. I mean, it shows up in every aspect of life. In particular where inclusivity is one of the primary functions to make a person feel valued and seen. That’s the golden ticket! How a small silent thought of consideration for someone else really can make them feel good and confirm your importance to them. An invisible nugget of love.

Whether it’s a little gift for someone for no reason, a cup of tea made for you just because, finding a funny meme you know a friend will laugh at or simply showing up when you said you would. When someone is considered, their feelings cause a pause in thought before making a choice. The person who has you in mind has paid attention to the little details. The things that matter to you. When your needs are considered, life can be made a little easier to swallow. These wonderful little fleeting thoughts of love and affection can be expressed so basically and yet so beautifully. In fact, there is a cute little quote by A.A Milne who says it better than I. I’ll share that with you later.

Being considerate is pretty simple. It costs nothing but can mean so much. But I can’t help but wonder, when did it become something we had in abundance at the beginning of any relationship then begin to lack over time? I find myself becoming more and more cynical every time I’ve considered someone else’s feelings to not have it reciprocated. I’ve watched my own family be shown lack of such consideration. I see lack of kindness towards kids from kids. Heart breaking to watch for parents and demoralising for our kids. Don’t worry, I promise not to hop on my horse and start galloping about. No-one is perfect, certainly not I or my family. I’m sure the majority of children by nature express their wants and needs above anyone else in their hierarchy of importance. That’s just life through immature eyes. But what pains me is I find myself watching for the adult to step in and say, “how would you feel if.. ” with an air of seriousness that actually requires thinking and an answer before moving on, rather than just a roll of the eyes. Okay, maybe I just got on a very small donkey for a sec (as she slides off discreetly).

My point being, don’t we all need someone to give us a poke when our selfishness pops its head above the parapet, myself included.  Especially when it leaves someone feeling de-valued, un-wanted and worthless.  Yet I see eyes looking to the sky concentrating on how fluffy the clouds are today, instead of just quietly checking someone to be mindful of what they did or said. Why is that? Maybe these difficult conversations need to be had to create a kinder society? Is it so hard to point out a lack of consideration to someone even with a gentle and discreet voice? Are we able to listen without feeling defensive? I know the thought of doing that makes me feel awkward, judged and a bit vomity.

I don’t know the answer. I just know that every time I see or hear about how someone else’s thoughtlessness impacted someone through lack of consideration without a “shit, I’m so sorry about that. I wasn’t thinking” or when a kid is unkind to another for their own gains without ever being pulled up, I find myself gutted and my patience getting leaner.

There is absolutely no doubt we will all be inconsiderate at times and most of the time we probably don’t realise we have been. It’s only human to get it wrong. When we do realise, have a moment to reflect I’d like to think, we do feel bad and a bit of a tit. I’m pretty sure that’s how we all learn.

The love language of consideration means you thought of someone else. What it would mean to that person and acted upon it. That they are important and are acknowledged as such. Not through expensivey grand gestures but through these tiny thoughtful intentions which are attentive to their feelings, needs and general well-being. These fleeting acts of kindness, empathy and respect are not sought out but given because consideration embodies this unique gorgeous act that requires such little effort where no one has to demand validation.

I’m told we should never expect to be treated as we treat others. It can lead to disappointment which can be a tough lesson to chew on. But consideration isn’t a one-way street, is it? It walks hand in hand with respect and tolerance. Especially with those we love the most. Our friends and families. It goes such a long way if we can still tap into it as time passes.

By being considerate we project these wonderful traits of respect, kindness, compassion and inclusivity. Maybe make that cuppa for your loved one after a hard day. Buy the candle you think they would like or their favourite chocolate bar. Leave a note, ask them to join in with the group. Make the tea, put the washing in. Give a hug for no reason. Tell them you love them randomly and how much you appreciate them. Maybe stop telling someone to change. Is it time to stop having a joke at someone else’s expense? Include the kid on their own. Show up for your friend. Show a little tolerance, think about how your actions might make someone feel and even if we get it wrong saying sorry in itself is being considerate.

Like I said, the guy who wrote Winne the Pooh said it way better.

“A little consideration, a little thought for others, makes all the difference